Kidman's adoption plans

MAGWATCH
The big news this week is that botox causes infertility - although not in so many words. Instead, New Idea splashes with an "exclusive special report" from Vietnam about Nicole Kidman's plans to adopt a war orphan from Ho Chi Minh City.
"Nicole and Keith have probably said they would like a healthy child," it writes of Kidman's baby hankering. "When New Idea visited orphanages in Vietnam, we found many kids were disabled." There is no byline on the story, but the careful sourcing would suggest John Pilger is back among the Vietcong.
Elsewhere in the rag there is news of "Sad Lara" - not a Cat Stevens song for bogans but the tribulations of life as Lara Bingle, who is apparently at the centre of a wives-and-girlfriends saga threatening to tear the Ashes tour apart. Bingle failed to turn up to a pre-Ashes counselling session on the Sunshine Coast last week - an obvious snub to the other WAGs, who were forced to shop at Kookai and use Hyatt umbrellas on their own.
Over at Woman's Day news is breaking that Oprah Winfrey is overweight. Speculation is also mounting that she is black and plans to host a daytime chat show. More troubling than that is the magazine's exclusive on "the credit crunch prince".
Pictures of Prince Charles wearing a pair of black shoes last week beside pictures of him wearing a pair of black shoes in 1968 are proof the well-eared royal has not been shopping for 41 years. The pictures go on - the same hat, the same coat, the same kilt - but strangely no mention of the fact he has been having it off with the same woman since well before he married Diana. Perhaps the man just doesn't like change.
In NW the cover story spruiks stars without stylists - and has proof that Tori Spelling looks crazy with or without make-up. But the bigger story is its double page spread on "size zero mums".
Pictures of Ashlee Simpson and Jessica Alba suggest they are now small enough to share their babies' Bonds jumpsuits. But the inset photo of Alba leaning over suggests a greater worry - a spine so pronounced she is at risk of being kidnapped by an invertebrate militia of slugs and sea cucumbers.
That would leave her daughter Honor at risk of being taken by the Kidmans. Unless she is disabled. Apparently the Kidmans don't like that.